All We Are
by debatable
Summary: More than the sum of all we'll ever be. Alternately: Rabbit was never good at keeping secrets. slash, first-person nonsense, suggestive themes.
1. The White Rabbit

[mood music : we're all mad - natasha bedingfield

[disclaimer : i'm betting mr. carroll is coming back to life as we speak just to hit me over the head for this. i do not claim to own these characters, or the idea of wonderland itself, nor do i make any money off this story. although, you know, if i did, that'd be wicked cool.

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_I am Hope._

_I know, I feel, I want, I pray; I am more than a simple feeling. I am Desperation, and Denial, and everything lovely. I am a far cry from Disenchantment, although sometimes, when I'm not looking, it still manages to find a way in._

_I am Hopeless._

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"Hello, pretty."

"..."

"Are you even awake?"

"Yes... Yes, sir, I'm sorry. Hello."

"Mm..."

"Sir?"

"You're impossible..."

I gave a soft sigh, feeling the wind brush through my hair and up against the back of my neck. I shivered; It was warm, but the air today gave me an awful feeling of apprehension. There was something in the breeze that made me want to hide.

I breathed in through my nose, exhaling slowly as I said, "Yes, I know, sir," waiting as he pressed his lips to my forehead, curling my head confortably under his chin as I stared across the expanse of open field. Stalks of grass swayed to and fro, some frail ones breaking in the light wind, as strange birds flew across the cerulean-coloured sky, barely more than streaks of black and red, mere smudges to my eyes. Dark, dusty blue-grey clouds painted the sky, looking as if they would, at any moment, swallow the light and finish the sky forever.

The afternoon was slowly giving way to evening, although there would be no brilliant sunset tonight, no marvelous pinks and oranges to bid the day farewell. All of Wonderland was expecting a storm, and I would be just another onlooker to the mighty power about to be unleashed.

He wrapped his arms around me, quite an easy task with how small I was, and quietly kissed the top of my ear, which twitched in response, causing him to chuckle. I couldn't help but smile, he had a wonderful laugh, almost childish but still incredibly endearing.

Gently, he leaned back, pulling me with him as he laid back agains the weeds that crackled beneath his weight, me curled up happily with my head still resting atop his chest. This was nice, I had to admit to myself as he stroked the back of my neck. It was nice to be taken care of, to be treated so well. I knew it wouldn't last, but I was okay with that. He'd been so good to me...

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I woke up the next morning feeling horribly abused. My sides ached, and it curled onto my side as soon as sleep left me, willing the pain and the pounding headache to go away.

Rain tapped gently against the window beside me, so close I almost flinched as a particularly large drop hit the glass, and just past stream of water, I stared out into a grey, grey world. Alice must be having a bad day.

That girl, I didn't particularly miss. She was rude and stupid.

"Mary Ann?" I mumbled, and then a little louder, expecting her to come rushing into the room as soon as she noticed.

Although, as I looked around, I realized I'd missed one very crucial detail.

This wasn't my room. Nor was it any one of the rooms in my house.

Which meant Mary Ann would not be there to assist me.

I sighed and rolled over amidst the decidedly high-quality sheets, shivering against the cool air, and found myself staring into a pair of brilliant ruby eyes, wide awake. I allowed myself a small smile. "Were you watching me, per chance?"

Well, that explained a lot.

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The King of Hearts was rather like a vacation compaired to his Queen. He was constantly even and calm where she was pouty and loud. In all honesty, I only worked for her, and my loyalties lied with her and no one else. Still, that didn't stop her husband from indulging every once in awhile.

Their relationship was a confusing one, I knew. Governing Wonderland was far from an easy task, although everyone knew, the Queen ruled Wonderland about as much as Hatter wanted to become a mathematician (which, in case you didn't know, wasn't very much at all). King simply sat back and let it all happen, let her behead whoever she so chose, just as long as she didn't do anything too irrational. Forest creatures were easily replaced, and cards grew back. Thus far, she'd never managed to sentence anyone of any true importance. Secretly, I suspect her husband is a great deal more sane than she is, and only keeps her happy with innumerable squirrels and foxes and regenerating cards simply to keep some sort of balance in order.

She was the Queen, and she called me Rabbit, Messenger, Cotton-Tail, whatever she happened to like on that particular day. I was her husband's lover.


	2. The Cheshire Cat

[Cant - welsh, "white"

[Leverett - french, "young rabbit"

[Irvyn - celtic, "white"

[mood music : be my escape - relient k

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The Cat had always ruled Wonderland.

No doubt about that. Cheshire was the sole enemy of the Queen (besides, of course, any unfortunates who happened to annoy her, and they usually ended up with everything above their shoulders displaced by the end of the day), and he, of course, saw no threat from her. Queen liked to pretend she governed everything, for her title allowed it, but Cheshire, with all his chaos and insanity, held total control. He simply had to raise a finger, and every creature in existence would bend to his will. No one was quite sure if it was enchantment or pure intimidation, but I figured he did make a better leader than some of the other possibilities.

There was a sort of chain in effect at the moment. As it goes, I happened to remain steadily at the bottom, unnoticed and unharmed. For the most part. I was the royal couple's messenger boy, little more than a pet and a servant. The royal couple, in turn, were after the Cat, who happened to be spending more and more time with Hatter (who, in my opinion, preferred the company of the March Hare-- no, I will not elaborate), who knew the Dormouse (or more correctly, used the Dormouse as a plaything), who happened to be an acquaintance of mine. He kept me filled in with all the goings-on outside of the palace that I couldn't collect with simple daily message-travels.

Although things got a tad more complicated when Cheshire began to notice my role in the whole scheme of things.

Of course, the messenger boy's loyalty would be a _valuable_ commodity.

It's rather difficult to forget certain circumstances when they never cease to repeat themselves. The Cat started things slowly; I could almost tell he thought I was fragile. Cornering me every so often, usually on my way through the forest, he would walk with me, ask me casual questions ("And where are you off to today, Rabbit?" "Yes... Already? Really?"), feigning an interest I knew he never posessed. He could care less about castle life and what it entailed, be it how often the Queen demanded a beheading or when the next ceremony was. He was trying, and failing, mostly, to gain my trust. Although I have to say, it was rather fun to be able to stick my nose up at him. He made me feel educated and important, simply because I _was_ important in his eyes.

The way he acted around me made me assume he found me intelligent, at least. He was making a conscientious effort to see me as an equal, and at that point, I hadn't heard a single demeaning comment in my direction. Though, that isn't to say he stopped himself from gossiping about others in my presence.

One thing I learned about him was that he was very good at keeping up a steady conversation, even when I wasn't. He was extremely sure of himself, which, I suppose, was to be expected, but he could be awfully polite when he felt like it.

He behaved himself. And, in turn, I began to let him in.

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King had always been good to me, especially when the Queen wasn't in the mood for being kind. As long as I played my part, and played it well, he would be there to comfort me and keep my well-fed, well-dressed and happy. Everything I wanted wasn't necessarily laid out before me, sometimes I was required to work for it, but it usually, eventually found its way to me. Though Queen had been the one to pick me out in the first place, King protected me from her when she went off on one of her raging fits and insisted on having me killed. I, for all my speed and agility, could never consistently meet her impossible demands, and I don't think I'd be able to make myself run if she told me I was to have my head cut off. I was too devoted to her kingdom, to her wishes, to everything.

Which was why I was so ashamed with myself when I began to go along with the Cat's insane plans.

At first, it was just simple things. _"Come with me to see Hatter, Rabbit!"_ And I enjoyed it, this new feeling of being valuable and special and not just a simple servant who was nice to have, but essentially replaceable.

He always called me Rabbit, never Irvyn or Cant, never any of the various names I'd acquired over the years. After some time, I grew tired of the name, insisting he call me something else. He eventually grew to like the name Leverett, and decided it suited me just fine, never once consulting me on the choice.

King didn't need a name to yell out when we had sex. That was below him. He still appreciated it when I did it, though.

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Visits to the Hatter were always amusing, to say the least.

From the moment I stepped through the doors of the Tea-Party, I could sense the slight shift in things. Even the wrought-iron gate, twisted in ways unimagineable, that lead the way into the garden seemed to say "This is our party. Reality has no place here." I knew how Time worked here, or, more correctly, didn't. I assumed that was what drew Cheshire to the Tea-Party in the first place-- the lack of obligations. And somehow, it seemed to be working on me as well.

It was contagious, I concluded. Perhaps it was one of Hatter's tricks, or Cheshire's enchantments, but I simply didn't want to leave somedays.

Coming there for the first time was interesting, to say the least. I learned two things immediately: Tea was a must, and whatever Hatter says, goes. Even the rather unruly Cat seemed to understand that. The Mad Hatter seemed almost out of place amidst the rest of the Wonderland creatures, with his cool demeanor and constantly pensive attitude. He seemed to have taken a liking to Cheshire, though, which seemed to be taken for granted on the part of the latter.

The other two creatures weren't exactly bad company, either. Dormouse, who I'd met various times before, wasn't as shy as he initially came off as. While Hatter and Cheshire conversed over tea, huddled together in one corner, he and I chatted about nothing in particular, although he seemed to have a distinct interest in the ways of the castle people, and would always ask me what the gardens were like, or if the other servants were friendly, and such. The March Hare was somewhat whiny, almost bratty, but he had a lovely face, and I often found myself curled up in his lap, him playing idly with my ears as we listened to one of Hatter and Cheshire's many debates.

I still didn't trust the Cat in the least. The creatures he chose as friends, however, were a different story.


	3. Oh So Valued

for those of you who don't know... in the book, _alice's adventures in wonderland_, the knave of hearts was tried for thievery at one of the queen's trials. he'd apparently stolen some tarts that the queen had baked.

mood music : time is running out - muse

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Most days are fairly traumatic to me.

My day chiefly consists of five important ordeals: waking up, eating, running around like the glorified messenger boy I am, eating, and collapsing just to do it all over again the next morning. Thankfully, more often than not, I've been waking up in my own house, which is a relief considering the amount of times King has dragged me off to regions unknown for a night and left me to fend for myself when I awoke. I'm really coming to appreciate my own bed. And Mary Ann, thank heavens. I think I'd be a fair deal more paranoid than I am now without her to keep me sane.

However, some days are more traumatic than others.

Take, for instance, this morning.

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"Rabbit? _Rabbit!_"

I hate my name, I really do.

Palace days, as I called them, were rare days where nothing needed to be delivered and no one needed assistance. I spent my time wandering aimlessly and performing simple tasks with the other servants. Unless, of course, something came up.

The call was heard everywhere in the palace, echoing off the strong stone walls as easily as if it had come from a megaphone which, with the Queen's vocal chords, wasn't very surprising. I scampered frantically into the throne room, barely managing to avoid knocking anyone down in the process. I skidded gracelessly on the plush carpet set over the marble floor (damn the decorators, I hated those carpets with a passion), and knelt down, a vivid pink colouring my nose.

"Your Majesties," I murmured, my head bowed, fingers splayed on the ground before me. I'd been surprised to see the King seated at his throne-- he was rarely spotted anywhere near the palace, chose instead to wander the grounds as I so often did.

"Stand, Irvyn," I heard a voice tell me gently, and I did so, my cheeks reddening even more so as I met the King's gaze. He sat stretched out, laguid as ever, feet hanging over the arm of the chair in a very undignified manner. There was an unspoken rule that, inside the walls of the Hearts Palace, I was never to be referred to as anything but 'Rabbit'. My names, any one of them, were out of bounds on all levels until I stepped foot outside.

He smiled at me, head tilted back, a knowing smile, and I weakly held myself together.

My Queen was standing. Out of her chair, I could see her resisting the urge to pace, her visage calm despite the turmoil I could see behind her eyes. I straightened my back, gazing attentively at her once more.

"We have a problem," she said finally, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. Clearly this was serious.

"The Knave."

"Yes, your Highness?"

She met my eyes steadily, clasping her hands behind her back. "He's run off with something far more valuable than pie this time."

My gaze flickered between her and her husband, who was covering his mouth with his hand. Somehow, I doubted he was taking the matter seriously at all.

"I need you to find him and report back to the Royal Guard. The object he stole-- It must be recovered. Unharmed."

"Yes, right away, your Highness."

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Wonderland was a beautiful place. Despite all the horrors it held, despite every broken soul, it was a gorgeous, revolting, beautiful place. Small things, like the whisper of wind in your ear or the smell of spring, seemed to be magnified tenfold and brought out so you could never miss a second. Everything was so alive.

I sat above the steps of the palace, knees brought up to my chest. Fat raindrops fell to the ground before me, echoing off the marble pillars, puddles collected beneath statues. The small overhang provided by the palace walls was enough to keep me dry, yet I still held out a hand to collect the tiny drops of wetness and lick them off, too vain to stand beneath the clouds and let them fall on my tongue.

I let my head fall back, eyes fluttering shut as I revelled in the sound of the gently rolling thunder. How badly I wished to be a part of the great storm... This was the third to pass through our world in a week.

Yet, it would not be... proper.

I was torn away from my thoughts as the sound of footsteps caught my ear. They were close. How hadn't I heard them before? I shook myself out of my daze and stood, just in time to see the King of Hearts round the corner.

Taken aback, I stuttered a bit and bowed low, realizing too late that I was supposed to be out on a mission.

"Rabbit." The smile in his voice caught me off guard. Then, softer, more thoughtfully, "You weren't with the servants. I thought I'd find you here."

So he'd been looking for me. Cautiously, I straightened, and relaxed immensely when I saw no trace of anger on his face. Still...

"I'm so sorry, your Majesty... I know I'm not supposed to be here--"

He silenced me with a shake of his head. "It's raining. No one expects you to go anywhere in this weather." He hesitated. I held my breath, somewhat without knowing it.

And tentatively, with an air about him I didn't recognize, he reached out to cup my chin in his hand. I watched him as he tilted his head admiringly, felt his soft fingers stroke my cheek, dazzling ruby eyes studying my reaction carefully.

My shivers betrayed my nervousness. I think he enjoys watching me squirm.

Almost absent in my thoughts, I let him move his hand as he pleased, first tracing my jaw, then tickling my neck. His touches were feather-light, never losing contact with my skin. Finally, he pressed his thumb to my lower lip, eyes meeting mine.

Instinctively, I let my tongue dart out, caressing the pad of skin.

Having found the reaction he'd been looking for, King kissed me.

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I'd disappeared inside the palace after that, both scared that someone had seen and rather ashamed with myself for reasons I couldn't place.


	4. Confusing Notions

mood music : kill the messenger - jack's mannequin

to stop some confusion... my characters are either semi or fully human, in case you hadn't guessed.

**warning : suggestive content. if you're not comfortable with that, please just click the 'back' button and save me a bit of trouble, nahmsaying?**

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I didn't end up remaining in the castle as long as I would've liked. The kitchen staff-- a group of young, well-mannered adolescents, all with stunning blue eyes-- put up with me for an hour or so before their overseer came in and shooed me out. She was lower in rank than I was (being the Queen's messenger), but it was, after all, her kitchen, and I decided to make things easier and simply do as she said.

The children had been in the middle of preparing that evening's dinner when I was asked to leave. The sheer size of the meal they were creating increased my respect for them greatly-- I knew for a fact that they were responsible for feeding the castle's occupants three times a day, but I hadn't realized just how _many_ people that was until I saw the food.

I was always unsure of where I should be at mealtimes, so I usually avoided them completely, eating before I left my house each morning and once again when I returned. I'd certainly been _offered_ a place at the royal table, but had declined it many times over for fear of making a fool of myself.

As I wandered the halls, I tried my best to look calm and composed in the face of the various servants scurrying past me. I'd learned to be able to determine a servant's rank based solely on how they looked at me, whether they averted their gaze or looked down their nose, whether they smiled or merely didn't bother with a glance at all. The newest additions, all typically young and wide-eyed, stared at me as if I were a king myself, whereas the older, nobler men and women couldn't care less who I was-- some even went out of their way to shoot me a dirty look as I passed.

When King first took me to bed, I wondered, in my paranoid state, if those looks were knowing glances-- if, by some twist of fate, one of the servants had heard, had _seen_-- but I know better. Nowadays, those looks (and especially the ones I've seen from the Cards), I interpret to mean only jealousy.

The kitchen was quite a ways away from the castle's main entrance, and I took my time getting there, knowing that if the rain hadn't stopped, I'd be confined to the indoors for a few more hours anyway. I wasn't impatient, and yet still, the fresh, wet world and the cool, crisp air beckoned to me, inviting and enchanting. The grasp it had scared me, but I knew I would follow it eventually, whether I wanted to or not.

My feet padded softly against the smooth, almost frictionless floor beneath them, and I found myself thinking back to my first month as King's--

King's what? Even now, I don't know what he considers me. A toy? A lover?

He never said he loved me.

_I laid back against the silky sheets, my breath hitching as lips found their way to my neck, kissing and licking at tender flesh. I moaned responsively-- as I was supposed to-- and tilted my head sideways, allowing a more inviting angle. Strong, rough hands were busy finding their way under my shirt, smoothing over my stomach and tickling my chest. Somehow, my pants had been removed (how, I wasn't sure, because I certainly didn't recall it happening), and I lay in only my flimsy white button-up shirt and underwear beneath my King, who (somehow, not surprisingly) was still fully clothed._

_The evening was slowly giving way to a starry night outside the window of King's bedroom, but I barely noticed, not even concerned about the fact that both of us had duties to attend to-- me to my messages, him to his Queen. I was young then-- too young, perhaps, to be roughing around with __**anyone**__, but nonetheless, the idea still excited me greatly, and in practice... Let's just say it wasn't so bad, either._

_Lips on my neck turned to teeth, and I arched my back ever so slightly as he nibbled at my skin, whimpering as he nearly drew blood. The hand on my torso hiked my shirt up higher._

_I whined and begged for a proper kiss, breathless rushes of 'kiss me, kiss me'. On the rare occassion he'd actually indulge me and comply, I was thankful, and tonight was just one of those nights. When lips met mine, I sighed into them, drinking up the sensation._

_I couldn't help it if he distracted me to the point of not hearing the noises outside our door right away. Still, when I did, my blood ran cold for a split second, and I stifled the moan forming in my throat, jerking myself back from King's insistent kiss._

_"Someone's out there!" I whispered sharply, my voice barely audible as I met his gaze. He seemed unconcerned, so I tried again, trying to keep my voice steady. "What if they heard--"_

_King shushed me with a finger to my lips. "I'm sure you could make something up if they asked." He pushed down (not gentle enough) on my chest, coaxing me back under him. I stared up with wide, disbelieving eyes, unable to comprehend how he could be so __**unconcerned**__. "You're smart like that."_

_I relented as he began to unbutton my shirt, but I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling for the rest of the night._

It was always that way, apparently. I could "think of something". And I usually could... Though, sometimes, fear forced the best excuses from my mind and I was left stuttering.

There were times when he marked me-- little bites, claiming me, telling me I was his. I vividly recall having to adjust the collars of my shirts to cover them up, and sometimes, even go as far as to wear a scarf for the day, which was (especially in summer) almost harder to explain than the alternative.

Pushing the thoughts from my head, I stepped into the entrance hall, and then past that, out the large, ornate doors that were currently open to let a bit of fresh air in. I skidded down the shining marble steps and started off sprinting as soon as my feet hit the ground.

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Running is what I'm good at, running is what I was born to do. Personify me all you like-- I still have the genes of a rabbit in my blood, no matter what I may outwardly appear to be. There's something absolutely delicious about being able to run until you're gasping for air, on the verge of collapsing, able to hear the blood pounding in your ears.

I push myself, but it's what I'm born to do.

The world passed me by in rain-soaked shades of green and brown, all muddled together and mostly impossible to concentrate on. Avoiding things to trip over or run into had never been a problem-- I wasn't a klutz. Still, I didn't notice when the sky began to darken above me.

Initially, I hadn't known where I was going, but past experience told me that running without any regard as to where I was would eventually lead me to the forest-- Cheshire's domain. And, true to that, I eventually arrived at the forest's edge, soaked to the bone from the sudden rain and cursing the sky between panting for breath.

Somehow, the trees were thick enough in the forest to not let much, if any rain through their leaves, and as I huddled beneath one of them, still swearing and shivering, I was at least a tiny bit thankful.

Eventually, I leaned forward, resting my hands on my knees as I coughed away the burning sensation in my throat and forced myself to take deep, steady breaths to calm my rapid heartbeat. I'd barely straightened up when a hand closed around my mouth and jerked me backwards.

I yelped-- embarassingly enough-- and felt myself being pulled flush against another body. An arm settled posessively around my waist, while the hand on my mouth slid down to rest at my collar, both a soothing and warning gesture at the same time. "Wha-" I started, my voice shaking, but I was cut off.

"Shh..." a soft, masculine voice whispered to me. "Creatures like you could catch a cold in this weather. We wouldn't want that, would we?"

I'd know that voice anywhere. "Cheshire!" I exclaimed, relaxing marginally in his grasp. He pressed his lips to my shoulder, and I could almost feel his smile.


	5. The Shadow King

[mood music : fairy tales and castles - lifehouse

[i find it amusing that 'cheshire' is also a type of cheese.

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I'd been hearing whispers about the Cheshire since as long as I could remember, since before I was King's, and, before that, Queen's, before I'd even secured duties in the palace, before any of this. My caretakers told me he was a savior-- like many people believed, back when Wonderland was a little bit more torn, back before Alice had ever shown her face-- but I drew my own conclusions.

The story they told me is one that has fallen on many ears, but never quite in the same way-- for, you see, Cheshire's story is as twisted as a screw, diluted and compacted and torn apart to be pieced together again, all by people who wanted more hope, wanted to believe more. The version they told me was somewhat of a myth.

From what I understood, the creatures of Wonderland had, for the longest time, believed that Cheshire was both their reborn leader-- the cruel, enticing cat that would lead them out of harm's way; and a murderer, something horrible beyond words. Legend says that he is a demon, a black-haired prince of darkness, who haunted the forest and cornered those who lost themselves in it, killing the evil and leading the good to safety.

Mostly, I believe this to be a load of bullshit, thought up to scare young children into washing behind their ears and cleaning up after themselves. Though, I could be wrong. Cheshire is awfully protective of his forest...

I know what I believe about the cat who tries to draw me in. He is the Hatter's lover and best friend all at once, a playful, narcissistic thing. The fireflies flit around any ready listener's ears, telling tales of the young half-feline, half-man with coal-coloured hair, pointed teeth and a rough tongue. He has inquisitive magenta eyes, and no matter how many times I tell myself I shouldn't believe a word he says, he still calls to me.

No one knows if he is the shadow king of Wonderland, ruling from the darker places; or a tragic, sad tale, outcast by even a world of fools.

If you asked me, I wouldn't be able to tell you.

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He pulled me to him, and I came willingly.

Sometimes, it scared me how compliant I was. It's like he put a spell on me, cursing my very existance. I followed him silently through the trees until we reached the wrought-iron gates of the garden.

"Cheshire--" I started, uneasy. He turned to me and held a finger to his lips, signaling to be quiet. With practiced ease, Cheshire stuck a hand between the gate's bars, clicking the flimsy lock open from the inside. The door squeaked a little as he tried to open it, and I couldn't help but watch fascinatedly as he waved a hand annoyedly and murmured a few soothing words. The high-pitched noise stopped, as if something had heard him.

He opened it the rest of the way and glanced over his shoulder, where I stood rooted to the spot. King had magic in his bones, although nothing as powerful as what the creatures of the forest were rumoured to have. "Was that a... spell?" I asked him slowly.

He laughed softly. "No, no. The gates just like me."

I followed him inside, willing myself not to hesitate. Cheshire clicked the lock shut again once I was through, but not before murmuring a small "thank you" and stroking his hands over the cold iron. He then gestured for me to be quiet as we walked further into the garden.

A small smile appeared on my face as we came to the Tea-Party. Around the table, three very familiar people sat, though they happened to be facing away from us. Cheshire took my shoulders and gently pushed me back behind a bush, leaning in close to whisper against the shell of my ear, "Be very still."

I nodded silently. He didn't know how good at playing the quiet game I was. Without another word, he began to disappear before my eyes.

Confused (and more than a little stunned), I watched the Cheshire slowly fade out of existance, until only his ever-present grin remained, and then not even that. This was a skill I'd known about since before I'd met my Queen's elusive foe, but had never actually experienced first-hand until today.

I watched. I waited.

Suddenly he was there, on top of the table, crouching down inches from Hatter's face and grinning from ear to ear. Both the Hatter and the Hare jumped a mile when they saw him, knocking over chairs and spilling tea. (Hare even yelped a bit.)

Cheshire got a good laugh out of their reactions, eventually having to roll over onto his back when he was unable to keep himself sitting-- I could swear he was practically crying with mirthful giggles. Meanwhile, Hatter was clutching his chest indignantly, while Hare simply looked embarassed, going around fixing the upturned chairs as if to hide the quickly-spreading blush on his cheeks. Only the Dormouse, who'd been calmly pouring honey into a pot, didn't seem at all surprised by Cheshire's sudden arrival. He glanced up momentarily, greeted the cat, and then went back to his previous task.

"That was _not_ funny!" Hatter exclaimed, sounding more like a child than I'd ever heard from him. This only increased Cheshire's convulsive laughter, which eventually died down after a few moments more. He eventually found the strength to sit up again, and, still chuckling, wiped himself down and crawled off the table.

"You're an imbecile," Hatter muttered curtly as he sat himself back down, grabbing a napkin to soak up the spilled tea. Cheshire smiled fondly and walked over to the man's chair, pulling it back just far enough to squeeze himself in and straddle Hatter's legs.

"You love me," Cheshire announced happily, and kissed him on the mouth. Hatter leaned into the kiss, and they sat there for a few moments longer, lazily licking into each other's mouths.

I averted my gaze, feeling as if I was viewing something private that I had no part in. They were kissing, after all-- and not just a quick peck on the cheek, either. Neither Hare nor Dormouse seemed at all uncomfortable, but I still felt awkward.

Suddenly Cheshire pulled away from the kiss, appearing to be remembering something for the first time. "Oh!" he exclaimed, a happy smile forming on his face, "I brought a friend!" He awkwardly stumbled off Hatter's lap and went over to where I was standing. I stepped out from behind the bushes, nervously rubbing the back of my neck and attempting a feeble smile. Before I had time to speak, he grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me over to the rest of the group.

"Well if it isn't the palace brat," Hare commented, and there wasn't a hint of malice in his voice-- only good-natured joking. He smiled, and I couldn't help but return the look. Hatter gave me a friendly nod of the head.

Dormouse, meanwhile, simply continued about his business. I hoped to get the chance to talk with him later-- he was, after all, the most rational member of the group.

Cheshire led me over to a chair (blessedly free of crumbs) and forcibly sat me down. He then grabbed a chair himself and pulled it over until he was most definitely invading my personal space, the unholy grin never leaving his face. "Why hast thou abandoned us, pet?" he asked conversationally.

I almost had the grace to feel ashamed-- almost. Instead I huffed a little and shifted in my seat. "I haven't abandoned you," I protested. True, Cheshire was only worried, but something still nagged at me. I could do whatever I wanted.

"Hm," he hummed to himself. "What _are_ you doing thse days, then? Surely it can't be more exciting than spending time with Wonderland's most infamous terror."

I regarded him coolly, but my serious visage was ruined by the impish grin tugging at my lips. "Careful now, you might get yourself a reputation," I sat back in my chair, still grinning. The tea wasn't that interesting anyway.

He, in response, only chuckled. A wave of his slender hand prompted me on.

"I've been... busy," I admitted. "The Queen has sent me on a mission that very well drive me mad, given the circumstances. I'm expected to... procure a certain object for her."

Cheshire raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "What sort of object?" Natural curiousity showed through his cultured tone the moment the words were spoken. Hesitance immediately washed over me-- I'd said too much. Why should I trust a rogue?

But a voice in my head soothed my worries. He might very well be able to help on this quest, of sorts. And besides, what reason did I have _not_ to trust him?

"That's just it," I sighed, my nose twitching in abject frustration. "I don't know."

-

--

-

I remember asking my Queen the same question the moment she'd informed me of my task. I'll admit, it was rather daunting-- I was a messenger, a carrier pigeon, not a hunt dog. My duty was to deliver, not to find. But I couldn't refuse-- I would do anything for her.

"What am I looking for, your Majesty?" I asked, my voice soft, yet echoing nonetheless off the walls of the throne room. I tried to keep myself from shifting anxiously from foot to foot; it was improper to speak before being spoken to, and yet I wasn't worried in the slightest that any action would be taken against me. Maybe I was becoming too cocksure, too blind to see all the rules I skirted.

I was, after all, replaceable. But something about my time with King made me feel invincible-- someone the rules didn't apply to. It was stupid, but maybe that's what lust did to a person.

Standing with her hands clasped behind her, the Queen of Hearts had a faraway look in her eye. For what seemed like an eternity, she stared out into the distance, watching the landscape outside of the arched glass windows. When she spoke, her voice was calm.

"You'll know it when you find it, Rabbit." Her cold gaze, usually so warm and brimming with life, turned to me. I, not for the first time that day, felt the urge to cower. "I trust you to bring it back. I know you'll succeed."

The strength of those words weighed down on me like a ton of bricks. She _trusted_ me-- and the responsibility of that implication made me sick to my stomach.


End file.
